Like many parents, sex after kids became less frequent, and a little less exciting. I’ve always thought sex was a critical part of marriage, but over time, I gave it less and less thought, and eventually realized it became more of an item to check off a list, versus an important way to connect with my husband.
I’m not sure how I came to the realization that my sex life needed a jump start, but upon reflection, I realized that by the end of the day I felt frumpy and gross, and that really affected the way I felt about myself and my desire to hop in the sack. So, I let my husband know I wanted to head out to buy a few “outfits” to help me feel a little sexier. Unsurprisingly, he was on board, and I hopped in the car, a little nervous, but mostly excited.
I skipped the mall all together, and headed (gulp) to a store that I knew sold . . . racier . . . items. A modest person, this was totally mortifying to me, but I was looking for something that was a little bit daring, even if it was out of my comfort zone! When I got in, I looked around to make sure I didn’t know anyone (I’m not sure why it would be so awful if I did – they’d be doing the same thing I was doing!), and nervously asked the saleswoman for help.
The woman working there was AWESOME. She asked me a few questions, including “Have you thought about any role play costumes?” to which I quickly exclaimed “NO!” She casually mentioned that a few of the role play outfits were an almost sure hit, and I politely told her she could throw them in the mix, but that I didn’t expect they’d be up my alley.
I must have tried on six different sets (which of course, look awful when you have to wear your existing granny underwear underneath, and hope that everyone before you did the same!) before I found a few that actually made me feel sexy. And, surprise, surprise, one was a role play outfit! I’m in okay shape, but finding things that hugged, pushed, and covered the right spots on my post-baby body, was key in making sure I felt as good as I was hoping.
When I walked into the store, I was hoping to leave with one or two new pieces of lingerie. By the time I was done, I had only narrowed it down to FOUR – all more daring than anything I’d ever worn before. I couldn’t believe I was spending so much money on lingerie, but also knew I probably wouldn’t be back again anytime soon, so looked at it as a long term investment!
Once home, I did a secret “fashion show” for my husband as the kids were watching a TV show. I’d texted him earlier asking about the role play costume during my trip, and he seemed confused and indifferent. Of course, that was the outfit he requested that I wear later that night! It just goes to show that sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new might end up being a really fun choice! As suspected, just introducing something new into the mix made things more fun. I consider that “investment” in my new ensembles to have been money well spent – there are few things more important than my marriage, and I’m happy to do anything I can to spice things up in the bedroom. Plus, my husband loved that I was taking initiative to make things more exciting for both of us.
Even though that shopping trip was way out of my comfort zone, it was such a great way to boost my confidence and help get both my husband and myself excited about having sex again. Each of those four lingerie sets was worn within the first week and a half of my trip, and then many times since then! I don’t think lingerie is necessary all the time, but on those nights when the kids are in bed a little earlier than usual, it’s nice to pour a glass of wine, spend a little time on my hair and makeup, and feel a less frazzled than I usually do by the time I hit the sack! If you’re stuck in a sex rut, tell your partner that they’re watching the kids, and head on out to buy yourself something sexy! I promise you will both enjoy the results!