Everyone knows this feeling when they are pretty sure that they are doing the right thing, but then they still question it because OTHER people question their decision? Well, for the past 2.5 years I have had this feeling of not being sure if I am doing the right thing for my kids even though I know that I am (and research proves it).
I was born and raised in Germany and moved to the US to be with my American husband over 11 years ago. We always knew that when decided to have kids, we would raise them bilingual…no question asked.
When our oldest was born 2.5 years ago, I naturally started to speak German to him (my entire family lives in Germany and does not speak ANY English, so our kids have to learn German). My husband and I agreed that I would only speak German and he would speak English to him.
Our son wasn’t even a few months old (far too young to understand or say anything) when people (family and friends) would already express their concerns about our sons ability to learn the English language if I continued to only speak German to him. Just to remind you, he is growing up in an environment where 99% of the people around him only speak English.
At the beginning, my husband and I just thought it was funny that we lived in the year 2012, a country that is flooded with foreigners from all over the world and the importance of learning multiple languages is placed very high in academics. But as it continued and we kept hearing it more and more, I remember my husband asking me: “Are we sure we are doing the right thing? Maybe he shouldn’t learn German yet and just focus on English. I don’t want him to be behind in school and be teased by others.” When my husband said that, it actually hurt. It hurt because it is almost like someone is saying that my son should not be like me. That learning the German language and culture will affect him in a bad way.
At one point I started to question it too. Other kids of his age started to talk, memorizing the alphabet and numbers and he just didn’t do it as much. When you google “raising your kids bilingual” you will find a lot of material out there. Here is a short summary:
Pro’s:
– Your children’s brain develops differently and they will able to focus better and get less distracted
– Their ability to learn more languages later on in life is greater because their brain is trained to understand multiple languages
– They become better at multitasking because their brain is used to switching between languages
– They score higher in schools and display stronger logic skills
Con’s:
-Bilingual raised children often experience a little delay in their early language development but by age 5 most of them will be caught up
-They mix languages and it can confuse monolingual people
Well, we stuck to our beliefs and guess what? A few months ago, our oldest just started to explode in the language department and now doesn’t stop anymore (sometimes we wish he would though). Yes, it is not perfect but he gets his point across and everyday he learns a few new words. Now he counts in both languages (with some help) and he loves singing his ABC’s and other songs. This development lifts a heavy uncertainty off of our shoulders.
Oh, and guess what else… the people who were constantly questioning our decision have quieted their voices and see how well he is doing. Sure, he mostly speaks English at this time but he understands everything I am saying in German. Lately, we have also noticed that he is saying certain words in German to me and says the same words in English to my husband.
For now, we are pretty sure that our decision works for us and is the right one for our family. Will that still be the same next year? We don’t know but we will continue to do what we believe is the best for us at that moment. Sometimes life is all about compromises, but sometimes it is about staying close to your beliefs, even if that means having way to many people question your decisions.
I am so glad you mentioned that he mostly speaks English but understands everything you are saying. It’s the same for my son, but with Spanish. My husband and I have been questioning whether the Spanish immersion has been worth it, but my gut tells me that preference for one language, the one they mostly hear around them, is very common in bilingual families.
My husband and I are looking at the possibility of a bilingual Spanish/English Kindergarten class for our youngest. I don’t speak Spanish, and my husband only speaks a little, but it is a very popular language where we live and bilingual skills are highly prized.
What a beautiful post!!! Thank you for sharing!! I have the same concern!! I was born and raised in Mexico (for 98% of my life) but now, I am living in the USA and married to a wonderful American husband. The future of our children has been discussed. We have no babies yet but we know we want them to be as fluent as I am in Spanish, I know English will come natural for them as they would be surrounded by the English language all the time. I don’t speak Spanish as much in my home but my husband is learning, little by little. I just know that I don’t want to be translating an entire conversation between my child and my mom. As yo,u my family only speaks Spanish! I am so happy and excited that this could definitely work for us as well! 🙂
Never let anyone convince you that your children would be at a disadvantage because they learn two languages. It is the best gift you as a bi-lingual parent can give your children. When I went to scholl (also in Germany) there were many students from immigrant families–Italien, Kroatien, Greek, French and Turkish come to mind. Not a single one of them had any trouble in school, (or at least not more then the rest of us). On the other hand I know a few here in the US whose parents did not rase them bi-lingual by choice. Each and every one of them regrets that choice. If there is ever anyone questioning your choice of raising yor children bi-lingual again, ask them to name a single person who was raised bi-lingual and now regrets it. I highly doubt such a person exists.
Du macht alles richtig! Grüße auch aus Detroit.