I have been practicing yoga now for about 6 years. Before having Olivia I was on my mat almost every day and since I am lucky to get there once a week. My mat is always there for me. It catches me if I fall or even if I need to spend the entire class laying on my back. However, even with this relationship I have with my mat; I still struggle to keep my mind on my breath. Some classes I am so present. Some days I make it the whole class and realize my mind was in control the entire class; thinking about everything under the sun. We all have moments or even weeks where we leave class and wonder how it ended so fast. Our mind took over the whole class. In case you think you’re alone, here’s my internal dialog from a recent class:
I just spent 20 min trying to find a place to park and finally make it into class JUST in time.
Walking in I see the room is full; I am afraid to ask anyone to move and no one will make eye contact. I finally decided to ask someone to move over and I can sense their irritation. I don’t care- I have not been on my mat in a week and need the stillness. I lay on my back to catch a few moments of silence before class starts.
The thoughts start to flow. I forgot to shave my legs; I am actually not sure when the last time I shaved them was. I hope the teacher does not come anywhere near my feet as I also do not remember the last time I got a pedicure. When was the last time I washed my mat? Did I remember to tell Rick Olivia needed diapers for school tomorrow? I wonder what meetings I have tomorrow- I should check my calendar when I get out of here. Oh- the teacher is here.
She tells us to start in a seated position. SEATED?! I came here to lay on my mat. Fine. I will sit. I cross my legs and sit up tall. Does my back always hurt like this when I am sitting up tall? I have the worst posture. I thought yoga was supposed to help with this. Is the heat on in here? I wish it was hotter. Twist-Oh man- I probably should not have eaten so close to class. Breathe in and out through my nose- belly rises and falls- one breathe- two breaths. Is it possible to sit up tall for this long?
Plank. I am quite certain I need to lower my knees. Do I really? Can I hold it longer? My arms are shaking. My whole body is shaking. Who invented this pose? I wonder what song this is. Remember to ask the teacher who sings this. Speaking of singing- Don’t forget that those concert tickets go on sale tomorrow. Need babysitter- remember to ask Rick to schedule a sitter. I hope she is not booked. Did I remember to check in when I got here? I want to make sure everyone knows I came to class. Remember to check that before you leave.
Warrior 2- my favorite pose. Breathing deep- arms extended. Have my arms always felt like lead? Oh- this song is good too. I like this playlist. Lunging deep into my front leg- I am strong. One more breath- I feel strong. The guy in front of me is dripping sweat- I wish I sweat like that. TURN UP THE HEAT! Maybe I am not breathing deep enough.
Airplane. Fly. Balance. Breathe. You can do this. Add apples to the grocery list. Olivia has been eating a ton of apples lately. AH! I just touched the person next to me. How are they so sweaty??!?!
Childs Pose. Relief. Breathe. I think my mat smells. The teacher is handing out gentle massages. She is rubbing the person next to me. I am sure to be next. SHE PASSED OVER ME!!! I knew my mat smelled. SERIOUSLY- Can we turn up the heat?
Pigeon. My hips are screaming to be opened. Breathe. How did they get so tight? I used to be so flexible. I missed my mat. Breathe. Peace. I like this song too- this teacher has good music. Breathe.
Don’t forget Jens birthday; Call Amber back- I miss Amber. How did we get 2,000 miles away? Gratitude. How did I get so lucky? Breathe. Tears. I missed my mat. I love it here.