Six months ago, I gave birth to my second born. I’ve done my best to squeeze in some gym time, but MY GOD it’s hard! By the time I drive there, feed him, change him, take my oldest potty, and check the two of them into the child care center, an hour has gone by, and I have yet to actually step on the treadmill‒ let alone even attempt a decent workout and perhaps, just maybe, a shower.
My mom and husband constantly remind me it’s temporary, that I’ll “be back to my normal routine eventually,” and although it can be annoying to hear, they’re right. Am I 100% happy with the situation? No way. But, for now anyway, it’s my reality. And really I have no choice but to own it.
Since becoming a mom, SO much has changed in my life. Career, relationship with my husband, sleep schedule, etc. (I mean, I freaking just placed an order for a mini-van, something I SWORE would never happen). But, hands down, the hardest adjustment for me has been friendships.
The majority of my pre-motherhood friends have seemingly all fallen off the edge of earth (but did somehow manage to bring along their cell phones as they are still constantly providing updates on social media, validating to me that they are, indeed, alive and well?). Luckily, through my kids’ extracurriculars and school events, I have met a lot of phenomenal women these past few years.
Whenever I talk about these new pals to my family though, I only ever seem to refer to them as my “mom friends.” Well folks, similar to my flabby stomach reality, my “mom friends”‒ as random and odd as our friendships still seem to me‒ truly are my friends right now, and I’ve learned I just need to embrace this aspect of my current life chapter, too.
Meet my new
The texting-only friend
Let’s face it: motherhood is nuts but having more than one child is a whole new world. Unless both kids are miraculously sleeping at the same time, phone calls are completely impossible these days. Thank goodness for texting! We all NEED someone and not just anyone but a
mom friend who actually gets it, especially one who is also up at 3 a.m. for yet another middle-of-the-night feed. I have a few buddies who know everything that’s going on in my life and vice versa, and even though we haven’t actually been able to physically see or verbally talk to each other in many months, it’s totally OK because we really do get it.
The samesies friend
“Oh, you used to be a teacher, as well?” “You weren’t able to breastfeed either?” “Your daughter keeps getting kicked out of daycare because she bit other kids, too?” More than likely you’ll only ever have this one thing common; nevertheless, that one similarity helped you to confidently approach a new
mom friend. Fingers crossed your kiddos play well with one another!
The extracurricular friend
I can’t tell you how many moms you meet the first day of your child’s dance class or soccer practice. You do your best to scope out and stay far away from the weirdos, but you never know who exactly you’ll hit it off with. At my daughter’s gymnastics studio, I ended up chumming up with BLANK. Both of our munchkins were way too shy to go into the classroom at first, so we’d spend the entire 45 minutes at the door, trying to convince them to go in.
Three weeks later, they began feeling more comfortable, and we would joke about what we said to them to get them to go in, what minor event it would take to get them to run back out again, etc. We realized through many months of conversation that we had a ton in common. However, there was a huge problem: I had absolutely no clue BLANK’S name! She had said it the first day, but we were far too into our
mom friendship for me to ask her again. Thank goodness we had a mutual friend who had BLANK’S Christmas card hanging on her fireplace mantel. Stephanie. Whew!
The elderly friend
So, I’m only 30, but motherhood has definitely aged me. I’m not talking about the bags under my eyes or the increasing number of gray hairs (well, at least not this time anyway). Since most people my age or even my parents’ age are at work during the day, the majority of the
mom friends I interact with while on a walk or at Target are pretty up there. Lately I have also really made it a priority to visit my grandparents more regularly, not only so that my kids can get to know them better and vice-versa but also for something for me‒ and, in turn, them‒ to do to keep busy, as well. From drinking alcohol while pregnant to driving with their children unbuckled, they certainly know how to make an anxiety-ridden mother feel good about herself!
The single-but-gets-it friend
mom friend is seriously the best. You can live vicariously through them and their stories, all while never having to figure out when you’re going to be able to shower, what pants might still fit you, and who the heck is going to put up with your kids for an evening. My single-but-gets-it friend tells me she will come over because she knows it’s easier for me and will even happily come while my children are still awake because she “misses them.”
mom friends am I missing, Mamas? How do you go about embracing mom friends?