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The Kindergarten Mom Jitters

Help! My first baby girl is headed to kindergarten and I’m TOTALLY FREAKING OUT! I keep thinking to myself – how in the world can she be this old? Here we are a few weeks away from school starting, and I think she may be better prepared than me. The first day jitters may be more in my cards than hers. Then I started thinking – I can’t be the only mama out there with them. Here are the things I stay up over thinking and worrying about.

How can my baby girl be going to kindergarten?

Potty Jokes

What if she goes in and says “poopy potty butt” or “poo poo face head” right out of the shoots? Come on. I know I’m not the only one out there that’s telling my kids every five seconds, “can we stop with the potty talk?” So what if she does? We all know this is some sort of funny language for kids to bond over. I mean, I know I’ve bonded with another mom over a poop explosion or two.

Stuffed Animal Bully

What if she makes friends with a mean girl, and the mean girl makes her bring her stuffed animals from home in order to be her friend? A little too far, Bridget? Probably . . . except this may or may not have happened to me. The HORROR! What if a kid makes me (I mean her) bring a stuffed animal from home to be friends? Seriously though – what if she gets picked on? We may have to fork over an iPad these days to protect ourselves.

Yoo-hoo with Rum

We’ve all seen Big Daddy with Adam Sandler (if you haven’t – shame. on. you.). We know yoo-hoo is a gateway drink. What if someone offers her a very sugary beverage and she’s bouncing off the walls from her sugar high? I won’t be there to offer water or entertain her over active hyper-ness. Who will she turn to? What’s next? Candy cigarettes?!

Mommy Dating

As a new family in Michigan, I keep hearing “kindergarten is where you’ll meet your good friends.” I’m not going to lie, I’ve been waiting for this moment since we moved here a year and a half ago. Will this be my moment? Will we meet Maddie’s best girlfriend and the family that we spend vacations with? In the same breath, it’s daunting and scary. Do I wear yoga pants and my mom uniform? Or do I dress to nines, guns a blazin’ on the first day? Do I admit I’m a horrible baker and just bring store bought treats? Or do I fly my sister out to help with the bake sale?

I think we can all agree – mom dating is a hard knock life sometimes. I want to make more mom friends, but I don’t want to come on too strong and scare them all away.

The End of an Era

On top of the worries at school, add on the additional worries of changes at home. I wonder if I’m losing my baby girl. As much as I’ve fought tooth over nail to get her to sleep in her bed, what if she decides she doesn’t need to come in for a 3 AM snuggle session? What if she stops needing me to wipe her nose or brush her hair? What if she starts making her own breakfast in the morning? Ha, who am I kidding . . . that last one surely won’t happen.

2+2=?

Okay, I DO actually know what 2+2 equals. But don’t I remember what .2 divided by ½ equals? I mean, my kid’s brilliant. She is going to be doing decimals divided by fractions in kindergarten, right? What if I can’t keep up? Can I ask Siri? Will Alexa help?

First day of pre-school

I hope you’re catching on to my sarcasm at this point. I also hope you’re nodding your head because you’re reading through the lines, and totally see the truth behind it all. As we forge this new river as a family, I hope I’m not the only one staying awake with silly, but also real worries. Then I realize (as always) – this isn’t about me. The one thing I’m sure of – Ms. Mae IS READY. I have my mommy jitters, and I’m sure she’ll have her own as we get closer, but the girl is prepared. She’s got skillz for days, and my job supporting her will continue throughout her whole life.

I’ll hope she keeps the potty jokes to a minimum and uses some of her manners. I hope she says “no thanks” to the extra sugar induced coma (around the time her tummy hurts). I hope the bullies steer clear of my girl. If they do come asking for stuffed animals, I hope she knows I’ve got her back. I’ll force my snuggles upon her every second I get and if I’m really desperate, I’ll wait for that first flu or cold. And lastly, I sure hope we meet some great families because I know you’re out there, and I’ll find you! I’ll be the crazy woman chasing my two-year-old around at drop off – hoping my shoes match.

So to all you other mamas (and dads) with kids going to grade school this year, we can do this! We’ve done great so far, and we’ll continue to raise great potty joking kids!

Tell me what you’re stay-awake-at-night worries are. I’d love to commiserate with you!

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One Response to The Kindergarten Mom Jitters

  1. D August 15, 2017 at 7:15 am #

    You make me grin every time!

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