Since having children, work travel has become somewhat of a different beast than it has been in the past for me. I mean, work travel has always been taxing, but add the element of Mommin’ in there, and things get down-right messy at times.
If you are a mom who travels often, you probably have your own tales to tell. Take a look back with me at some of my favorite and hilarious moments of being a mom on the road:
- Lost Luggage While Pregnant
Flying to the middle of nowhere, while VERY pregnant, and having your luggage lost is up there on my “Top Ten Moments That Sucked” list. I had to make the executive decision to drive my rental car all over creation to attempt to find business-style maternity clothing (at five in the morning). Needless to say, the training course went well considering I’m pretty sure the bottom of my belly was hanging out at some point as I went through the six-step process of how to build trust with your employees.
- Breast Pump Follies
Maintaining your milk supply while out of town for business is a piece of cake . . . said no Mama EVER! I’ve poured breastmilk down a sink in a bathroom as a member of leadership walked up to wash her hands, accidentally flashed a co-worker while pumping on a bench in the ladies room, and much more. The coup de grâce if you will was recently when I threw my bag down in just a way that my manual breast pump fell right out onto the table. At this point, a male coworker picked it up and said, “This is a weird water bottle. How does it work?”
- Facetime? More Like Faceplant!
I always thought once I had kids I would video chat with them constantly while I was away on business. FAIL. Every time I call my daughter has a complete meltdown resulting in my son crying, my husband looking defeated, and me trying everything to hold back tears. In an attempt to cheer them up at a recent conference, I immediately began to sing “Rock-A-Bye Your Bear” along with full body choreography. “Everybody Clap! (clap clap clap)” rang from my toneless mouth as I clapped and turned around to see a group of my co-workers witnessing the show. For the record, it didn’t even work. The kids were still ticked.
- Daddy Drama
My husband is a stay-at-home dad and does an AMAZING job. That being said, my daughter is a bit of a handful for him when she doesn’t have her boobie pacifier at her disposal. One time, about five minutes before walking into a meeting, my husband called me in complete meltdown mode after two nights of zero sleep and dramatically told me to quit my job and come home immediately because he could not take it. He’s very lucky I was working off two full nights of sleep for the first time in seven months because I was a little less of a crazy person in my response. I believe I said something along the lines of “TWO NIGHTS!! YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT TIRED TO ME!!!” Once home, we both made the decision to never talk about that conversation again for the sake of our marriage.
- Team Building Time Out
Business travel with a team almost always results in some type of alcohol-fueled team building event. For the record, in my day pre-kids, I could hang with the best of them. Since having kids, I’ve realized that to maintain my status as a slightly respectable employee, it is necessary for me to give myself a “time out” MUCH sooner than in the past. Imagine my surprise when after two beers I found myself telling a male member of leadership how horrible manual removal of my malfunctioning placenta was?
- Whose Hotel Room Is This?
Once at a VERY nice hotel, I got my very pregnant, out-of-breath booty up to my room and huffed and puffed my way into the door to find a man doing his business . . on the toilet . . . with the bathroom door wide open. He immediately screamed “GET OUT GET OUT!” at which point it took me approximately an hour and a half to get my things back through the door around my insanely huge belly and booty. I will say . . . I giggled all the way back down to the front desk where I was given a BEAUTIFUL suite for the stay.
7. Homesick Has New Meaning
On top of everything else that is different with work travel after having kids, the biggest difference is how badly I just want to get back home to my babies. I’m pretty sure my heart breaks every time I walk out that door. It doesn’t even begin to heal until I find myself back home with both of them throwing their selves into my arms.
Photo by Sara Demick Photography at www.sarademickphotography.com