Redefining The Term “Good Mom”

One of my very first struggles in parenting was living up to the term “good mom”. What did that mean? What does it look like? Of course, I had fabulous examples of good moms surrounding me. From aunts and cousins to friends and coworkers, everyone had their opinion of what being a good mom meant (and they didn’t hold back from sharing).

In the beginning, with my first kiddo, I followed the instructions of others to the letter. I made my own baby food, attempted to nurse even when it meant doing so in a bathroom stall and putting my own happiness on the back burner. Who needs personal time? I have a baby now who is now my sole source of happiness, right?

Two kiddos later, I woke up one morning determined to prove that I AM a good mom and that doesn’t mean that I can’t continue pre-motherhood hobbies, and feel bad about spending time with friends. 

I posed the question to my Facebook friends: “What does being a good mom mean?” Here are a few select answers:

• “Be interactive even if you’re flawed”
• “Allow them to grow into their best selves”
• “Encourage their interests”
• “Celebrate each moment”
• “Sacrifice”

No one mentioned making sure your kiddo had the latest gadget or cutest outfit. What I’ve learned is that beyond providing clothing, food and shelter, being a good mom boils down to being present.

For example, I set aside time to work on my business. Afterwards, my girls have my full attention without Facebook notifications and conference calls. I’ve found that when they receive their quality time, they are more apt to not interrupt me when I’m concentrating on other tasks. Although the availability of time can pose a threat to giving undivided time to your kiddos, I have a secret weapon: outsourcing. I rely on others to pitch in and do certain tasks that I used to do myself. For example, my girls inherited my thick hair. That used to mean hours of hair braiding for me. I found an awesome hair-braider who cornrows their hair in an hour flat. That equals more quality time for more important things, like painting our toe nails. 

It was when I stopped worrying about whether I was a good mom that I became a good mom. Yes, I can be an entrepreneur and a good mom. Yes, I can have a social life and be a good mom. I don’t feel forced to live up to others’ expectations. I now relish the tender moments, hold them a little longer and have living room dance parties (a la Jill on BRAVO television show “Odd Mom Out” – one of my personal favorite shows).

So, what does it truly mean to be a good mom? My answer: Doing everything in your power to ensure that they know that they are loved. Even it that means breakfast for dinner sometimes.

So, what does being a good mom mean to you?